All Eyes On Me

Fuck it. 

Why do I feel the need to say it so much, especially when I tell myself I won’t? Now here I am, after having had too much to drink, and against better judgement, putting pen back to paper.

I should thank the spell I’m under; it seems to be when I’m at my best. Tomorrow I’ll wake up with a headache, wrinkled shirt and slept-in jeans, with not one single word regretted.

Fuck. Distraction screams for my attention. I’m annoyed, bored and going stale. What am I supposed to do when I’m sick of waiting around for you? I’m not going to linger, certainly not going to behave. Another night – another new perfume; what do you expect from me?

I could have been what you wanted, could have been what you needed, but now I’m going to once again just be me; I’m going to be alone. Look how much fun I’m having. Look how much I don’t care.

Fuck. I don’t expect you to understand the words I write, how could you? Artistic inclination was never your strong suit. Tell me about how great you are, tell me of all the things you will do. Last time I checked, you were reading me, not the other way around.

Fuck. Empty bottle gets thrown at the wall. Take your time, hurry up, I’m done with this shit. Who am I kidding – I’m not. You’re too daft to understand that the world doesn’t revolve around you. You are a selfish, stupid, greedy little person. Rest assured, that line was about you.

A new enemy around every corner, no understanding of the word ‘genuine’, every word a manipulation; you are a fraud, a fake, and a dirty little liar...

I’m the best at what I do, no ifs ands or buts. Go ahead, try to replace me. I double dare you. You couldn’t walk in my shadow, couldn’t fit in my shoes. Inside, you don’t have what it takes, but we already knew that. There was never a fucking doubt. Be jealous, be scared, I’m going to keep on shining – try not to get burned. You sleep in too late, go to bed too early. That’s why I will never worry about you.

If I had a mic, I would drop it. If this was a book, the words that would follow would be ‘The End’.

Instead, I will leave it the way I started: fuck it.